Down with Sinusitis, I was pondering the meaning of life

Posted on May 15, 2009

1


and then I got bored, and decided to waste away before the tube.

What an opportune weekend I had chosen. It seems that most of IMDB’s 100 worst movies were playing on this weekend that man upstairs decided to acutely stuff my sinuses with green stuff.

I was reminded of exactly why I stopped watching TV.

A (sort of) brief review of the movies that I, I’m not sure why, subject myself to.

Maid in Manhattan:
Yes. I watched this movie. I’m amazed at J. Lo.’s acting abilities. She, who feels compelled to deliver a simple overture of love by a complex lock-pop of the head routine, with a mean “uh-uh, whatchoo lookin’ at?” And then, with careful thought adding, “sista”.

Oh, the Hollywood moment of the film wasn’t its uncanny resemblance to Pretty Woman or the 83,64,53,196 other movies with similar the same story-line. It was how the writers artfully slipped in a reference to J.Lo.’s autobiographical Jenny from the Block. Aww.

No Country for Old Men.
Actually, the last few minutes of No Country for Old Men. Which was as random as the beginning of it. I’d encountered that on an occasion where I’d tried to coax a DVD bearing the same title, to merely show me the movie.

Tommy Lee Jones dies? Aww.

Terminator 3:
Arnie proves why he is THE man. His facial dexterity has been consistent through three Terminator films.

Consistently absent.

The cleverest line in the whole film appears somewhere towards the end, after a lot of bombs have gone off. Arnie, surprisingly still functional, shows up and says, “I am back.”

From Hell:
I’ve watched this Jack the Ripper chronicle before. The first time I watched it for Johnny Depp, who looks impoverished and incredibly stoned. I’m not sure why I put myself through it for the second time. Maybe I’m a sadist, or rather, a masochist.

Or maybe my eyes had glazed over and I had matured as a tuber.

Enchanted:
I loved this film. And I loved how neatly it was handled given it had every ingredient for to turn into flick-monster with three heads that spewed green goop. It had Patrick Dempsey outside of his scrubs. It was mixing film styles, time-spaces, narratives. It was doing abominable things like questioning Fairy Tales, dangerously close to becoming a History of Perspective, Deconstruction Theory & Other Such Brain Chow lecture. But it never forgot to be light-hearted and simple. The spirit of the film was just right. PD was pretty cute, and dances quite well.

Ok, I could go on and on. It’s more fun trashing films. So, onward.

Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na:
I actually waited to watch this film, and marked it in my calender.

It took some getting used to. The over-the-top style, given most of the cast spoke like full-time Channel [V] VJs who REALLY REALLY LOVED their job yaa! TEE HEE! Also the fact that the plot took two days to progress.

Apart from the annoyingly frequent commercial breaks with terribly un-entertaining commercials, I quite enjoyed this film. Some patches took themselves annoyingly seriously, and some of the acting, well, showed. I totally loved the pet rat and the innuendo ridden dialogue.

Danny the Dog:
Morgan Freeman. And high-fly Kung Fu, courtesy Jet Li. The trailer even had funky-jazzy swoosh-swoosh haiyy-ya flashbacks. Adequately baited, I watched.

I could count the number of reasons why Morgan Freeman even chose this film. The drama of playing a blind father. Blind step-father. Blind widower step-father. Blind widower of a car-crashed best-friend-turned-wife step-father. Blind widower of a car-crashed best-friend-turned-wife step-father who plays piano.

Added incentive could be that he was easily the highest paid star in the cast.

Quite the ho-hum. Suffice to say I slept peacefully after.

I hope that in the future, when I have these impromptu movie-marathon urges, it’s a little better timed. Oh well.

Tonight, I shall treat myself to the foolproof Yo Momma! After all, what could go wrong with mom cussing contests? If all else fails, there is always sure-shot entertainment, on the ever reliable America’s Next Top Model.

Advertisements
Posted in: Memoirs, Movies, Rant